Well, hey there! I know it’s been a while, but I think I’ve been in a funk. I may have even been depressed. At a minimum, I’ve been “hard-pressed on every side.” I’ll talk more about that in a little bit.
I have been enticed to dip my toe back in the waters over on Instagram as I’ve heard so many influencers talk of the earning potential of fashion reels. And it’s easy to be sucked in by the instant gratification of “likes”.
But I’ve been thinking about you, and I wanted you to know that I appreciate you sticking around and opening these emails. I like the space and pace better here. I like the trust I believe we’ve built with each other.
There’s SO MUCH I want to talk to you about, share with you, and commiserate over with you. But for today, let’s start with a couple of quick Dimples Diary entries. Okay?
WHAT I WORE
GET SIZE DETAILS & SHOP THIS LOOK
I told you I have been sharing more on Instagram. While many influencers are into buying tons of stuff from Amazon and doing try-ons, then sending all that stuff back (there’s nothing underhanded in that), that feels a little ingenuine to me.
GET SIZE DETAILS & SHOP THIS LOOK
So, I decided to focus on showing real-life outfits for curvy and plus-size women. I’ve also been keeping my wardrobe pretty simple and love it. These are two outfits I’ve worn in the last week.
You should definitely check out the cropped linen button up. It’s so versatile and the perfect lightweight piece to cover wobbly arms. I’m wearing the XXL but it goes up to a 4X.
WHAT I ATE
We started cutting expenses last fall after my husband took a job that paid less than his previous one. And with his most recent job loss, we’ve had to tighten our belts even more. The food budget is one place we can save the most money, so I cook most of our meals at home.
The photo isn’t great, but let me tell you, these Slow Cooker Barbeque Chicken Drumsticks win on all counts. They are VERY inexpensive, easy, and mostly hands-off.
WHAT’S KEEPING US BUSY
Baseball season is coming to an end, but six of our seven grandsons have been playing. We went to Winchester to see those three grandsons play multiple games each on their opening day a couple of weeks ago.
We’ve spent many hours watching our local grands play. I’ve got tons of photos of each boy, but I decided to share only this one of our 10-year-old sliding into home plate. It’s not that I love him more, but I tried all season to capture this shot but kept missing it for one reason or another. The last game was the charm.
THIS WEEKEND
My sister and her family are heading our way today and will stay for several days. The two-year-old is super excited to come to Aunt Paula’s house. And would you look at how chunky the preemie is now? We’re gearing up for lots of fun, food, and sun.
FINALLY FINDING REST
It’s taken me a while to regain my faith footing after my husband’s job loss back October and then again in March. And then, quite unexpectedly, on this first Mother’s Day without my mom, grief exploded in me.
Through it all, I don’t think I lost my faith in God, but fear, anxiety, and an overwhelming sense of unrest have been unwanted companions these last three months. So much so it’s been a battle even to know how to pray.
I’ve told the Mister, “God is either being silent, or we’re being too loud to hear Him.“
But one day, I saw an interview with CeCe Winans about true worship. She told a story about when one of her brothers passed away; immediately after his last breath, her dad raised his hands and began praising God, not for the death of his son but for his life and for who God was. It was a powerful example of praising God even through our tears.
So one night, as I lay in bed bawling and feeling oppressed by a spirit of heaviness, I began to say, “God, I’m scared, but I praise you. I feel overwhelmed, but I praise you. I’m full of anxiety, but you are good. I know I’ve doubted, but I love you….”
Now, life didn’t change the next day, and I still have moments when my insides get a bit “jiggly”, but this week I realized that I think I’ve slid into a more restful, peaceful place.
You might think it’s because my husband got a job, but it’s not. He did start training for what we’re calling a “survival job” this week, but it’s a strictly commissioned-based in-home sales job. We’re still living with mostly financial and future unknowns, but we’re serving a God who knows and owns it all.
HE holds the future!
Paula, I have you in my prayers. I have been where you are. Hubby lost his job, financial fears, the constant anxiety. But I found God in those moments. I pray for a job for your husband and thank you for sharing. You are not alone.
Author
Thank you Michaela. I really appreciate it.
Hugs,
Paula
Ms Paula – Welcome Back! I sure have missed you!! I’m not on instagram & at this time I just can’t spend my time in one more social media platform!! You bring so thing to my inbox that I haven’t found anywhere else! It’s about life & living & still dressing cute, outside of a size 2, 25 year old world! You keep it realz as everything isn’t always glamorous & easy; I line that! Prayers that you’re working out if your funk & that hubby’s new job is a good fit for him & your family!! Hope to see more from you soon! XXOO
Author
Thank you so much, Tami!
Hugs,
Paula
Yay! So happy to see you again! Love both those outfits & have the cropped blouse in my cart. You are so pretty. It’s OK when our faith takes a hit. God’s faithful love endures forever and He’s never left your side. I love how praising Him when we’re down helps in every situation. I’m sorry you’ve been struggling with stress & grief, but you are resilient and surrounded by love. I’ll be praying for you.
Author
Thank you, Carol. Yes, God’s faithfulness endures.
You won’t regret that top. I was going to send it back at first, but now I’ve styled it a couple of ways and I love it. The blue is a great color.
Hugs,
Paula
Paula, I have wondered about you, and I am so happy to see you back!! Thank you for being real and transparent about your grief, doubts, fears, and struggles. Life is hard and sometimes we become burdened, but through it all we can always know that He is trustworthy and He will see us through. You are proof of that. Prayers for you and your beautiful family.
Author
Karlee, you just remined me of the song that says, “Through it all, through it all, my eyes are on you. Through it all, through it all, it is well.”
We beleive God is working for us!
Best to you.
Paula
Dear Paula, I too recently loss someone I love dearly, my son. He’s a grown man n not a child but he’s my child. I’ve had many emotions but I think you said it best, fear n anxiety n lots of knots in my gut thx for helping me. My faith in god is very strong n will continue to be
Author
I’m sorry to hear you lost your son; a mother’s worst fear. My friend lost her son to suicide about a month before my mom passed and walking along side her through it has taught me the lesson that God will be our strength when we’re at our weakest. The thing we thought we couldn’t live through, we DO… because GOD!
Blessings to you, my friend.
Paula
Hi Paula,
I am right where you are . My husband and I moved ourselves and my aging mom for his job. 9 months later he was unemployed. It took him 6 months to find another executive level job -in another state-.We lived apart for 6 months before he lost that job. Now he drives for Uber while once again looking. Our faith has taken a hit, our marriage has taken a hit, our finances have been decimated. I live in fear of the unknown future ahead of us. Thank you for sharing-It’s good to know I’m not alone. I’m happy you have found some peace.
Author
I’m sorry to hear that, Elisa. There are still days fear rises up in me but I just got to the place where I was physically, spiritually, and emotionally exhausted from trying to figure it all out. God says that in our weakness, HE IS STRONG. We have to continue to trust that He will work it all out in a way that He will get the glory.
I have a couple of upcoming posts that I beleive you will find encouraging, so stay tuned.
Hugs & Prayers
Paula
Sending you my prayers. I too am dealing with financial uncertainty and anxiety but I’m working on my faith and learning to trust and thank God every day during this time of uncertainty. You’re definitely not alone and I thank you for the reminder that neither am I.
PS. I love the jeans that you’re wearing in the first pic. They look good on you.
Author
Thank you Jewel. The enemy knows how to use our weaknesses to bring us down, and for lots of us women, especially, financial insecurity is a breaking point. But I’m reminded that in our weakness, God is strong. It’s been an exhausting journey to get into this mindset, but instead of us trying to ‘find the strength’ to deal with the situation, we have to let God be strong for us.
Hugs,
Paula
Love the idea of clothes for the norm.. because that’s what we are ! Curvy plus chubby .. we are the norm and should be catered to. Thanks for providing a forum with ideas that are REALISTIC!
Sorry for your troubles … but think of it as an adventure and challenge yourself to cheaper meals.. shopping your closet .. pantry meals and more side hustles.. 🥰 god will deliver you a healthy spirit it’s just taking a longer route…
Author
Thank you for the encouragement, Kimberly. I definitely like to try to keep it real. I figure the normal woman doesn’t have the lifestyle to get fancied up all the time, so why is that what lots of influencers are showing us.
It’s been a challenge to get out of the habit of going out to eat so much, but it’s been eye opening to realize how much money we have wasted by just being lazy and going with ease. How many times have we grocery shopped and not used lots of what we bought because we didn’t have a plan.
Hugs,
Paula
I’ve been right where you are and I do hope that you discover that God is more than able to handle it when we lean in a little more. Life isn’t always pretty or even “normal” and seven years after losing my mom, I am still completely surprised those times when grief totally knocks the wind out of my sails. Sometimes, I can clearly understand why (our shared birthday still being the hardest) but sometimes, I just want to talk to her. I recently discovered The Yada Yada Prayer Group book series (and have only read the first) but it has helped my prayer life – I’m not the only one who struggles. Not that you are struggling in your prayer life but it might be something you’d enjoy. Sending my prayers your way.
Author
YES, Julie, you are exactly right. That’s how my grief has been…few and far between buy man, when it comes it’s gut wrenching. And oh, I think I read at least one of the Yada Yada Prayer group books. Thanks for reminding me about that. I may go back and have a look.
Hugs,
Paula
Happy to see this post Paula. Thank you for sharing what you’ve been feeling and dealing with. I’m keeping you in my prayers sweet friend. You’ve really been challenged in the last year, I love what Cece Wyans’ father said. It can all feel like so much sometimes but know there are people praying for you!
🩷Kellyann
Author
Thanks so much, Kellyann. I really appreciate the prayers and know that God nudges prayer intercessors when we most need them. I’ve been meaning to tell you that I’ve been praying for you and your husband. Hopefully his treatments will be curative and this will all be behind you soon.
Hugs,
Paula
I need to make it more of a regular thing to check your blog so thank you for linking your post to your IG today! What a great shot of your grandson! And baby is looking quite well. I haven’t done any collaboration this year (not that I ever did many but I did some last year). Between the extra work with MIL and life in general, I haven’t felt the desire especially when I wasn’t too enthused about some last year. Sometimes I wonder if some “boutiques” just mark up an Amazon piece. I have been sharing my thrifted outfits and what I wear in real life. Glad you are getting back to it and back to finding your footing and peace amidst the insecurity. Will continue to pray for your hubs and the right job!
http://www.chezmireillefashiontravelmom.com
Author
Hey Mireille, so glad you came over here too. Social media is a necessary “evil” and while I think blogging is more of a long game, less instant gratification, the content lives a lot longer, especially if it’s what they call “evergreen” and I continue to push it out to Pinterest. I haven’t gotten a ton of collaboration offers but don’t love doing them anyway. I’ve heard a couple other influencers say the same; not sure the brands are spending much money on that right now.
I think the important thing is to concentrate on what you like to do and to keep your eyes on your own page, so to speak. That’s hard to do when you see others having more “monetary” success than you. But I’m also not willing to give up my entire life to create content 24/7.
Have a blessed day and thanks for the prayers.
Hugs,
Paula
Paula, I’m so tempted to say my heart breaks for you, but I know your faith will guide you through this time. We have been lucky in that my husband only ever lost one job without another waiting in the wings. Of course, it was the day I signed my termination papers after maternity leave. So, there we were a brand new family of three with no income. Luckily, he found another job soon after which led him to the career path he finally needed to find. I will say that I have been consistently praying for you and Alison Gary (from Wardrobe Oxygen) to find peace as you travel through these early times of losing your moms. I still miss my mom and, sometimes, I just talk to her. I don’t know if it’s sacrilegious or not, but I also ask her to intercede for me when we’re facing tough times here.
I wish you luck with Instagram. It’s my least favorite form of social media, and I do it because that’s where the retailers seem to want to see bloggers. I still love blogging. It will always be my first love. And, I have loved your blog since I luckily discovered it several years ago. You are real, and you make me feel better about life. And, I sincerely meant that when I said I wish you luck!
I hope you frame the photo of your grandson sliding into home. That’s an amazing shot!
Have a wonderful week, and I’ll see you on Insta!
https://marshainthemiddle.com/
Author
Thanks so much Marsha. After the job loss when our boys were young, it’s not been until this last year that the Mister has struggled this long to find a job. We live in the RV and manufacturing capital of the world and he’s been in some capacity of upper level manufacturing management for over 30 years. God definitely has a plan and His timing will be perfect, I just wish He’d send me the itinerary. 😉
Thanks so much for always being here and supporting me. I appreciate YOU!
Hugs,
Paula
Paula, even when I don’t comment, I feel a bit of happiness when I see your pictures pop up in my Instagram feed. Your outfits always look so perfectly comfortable and chic. And, girl, barbecue chicken is always a win. I found a recipe once that uses apricot preserves {I’ve used apple jelly and peach preserves as well} as a base and, when I say yum, I mean it. The picture of your grandson sliding in is amaze-balls!! I’m happy you’re getting to see your people — they always bring joy.
I’m praying that you and your husband find peace during these hard times. I still struggle with the random moments of grief from losing my dad. It’s weird the way it hits. When it hits. You’re not alone.
Author
Hey Daenel,
I may need you to slide that recipe my way; it sounds AMAZING! I’m not photographer you are, but I love “practicing” by trying to capture pictures of the grands doing their things.
And you are right about grief; my friend, who lost her son to suicide about a month before my mom passed, and I have started saying, “grief is weird”. I’ve never put a ton of stock or emotion into Mother’s Day and beforehand I didn’t think anything about it as I wasn’t usually with my mom on that day. But I started crying on the way to church for no reason except I felt grief for my sister and brother with live near my mom and they had their traditions and for my baby sister whose children are little. But then that night right before bedtime, I felt grief so deep come up into my throat so thick it was choking it’s way out. My hubs was good about it but I don’t think he knew what to do with me. 😂
Be blessed Daenel!
You know we are always praying for you! I love you so much!
Author
Thanks, Birdie. Love you and miss you so much!
Hugs,
Paula
Ah, Paula… I’m sorry you have to go through the sad and depressing moments, but I know how lucky you are to have God by your side, witnessing your sadness. I always feel better after I reach out to God. I know I’ve done the right thing by reaching out to Him. It’s taken me a LONG time to realize that God doesn’t “fix” everything wrong in my life; but that realization is always there now and I know my timetable and God’s doesn’t have to be the same. We are human and live with time. God is infinite and there is no sense of time. He just IS. And I turn to Him again and again. And thank Him for always listening, for always being there.
I follow some influencers on IG, but have always wondered about ALL THOSE CLOTHES! I figured they returned a lot of them- I know I couldn’t afford all those or I’d have to build a closet just for them! And truly, how would you ever wear everything?? I think as I get older, I try to do with less in the wardrobe dept. I’m not too far away from retirement and I know my “at home” clothes will definitely be simpler and more basic than what’s in my closet now!
Wishing you what you need, Paula, no more/no less. Just enough to feel at peace and content with the love that surrounds you.
Hugs,
Donna
Author
Donna, what an encouragement you are to me! You said EVERYTHING I needed to hear and be reminded of.
I agree about the clothes especially as we get older. Being an Christian influencer at this stage is a bit of a catch 22; I know I represent an under represented demographic, and I have the confidence to know I do it well. However, I don’t want to be the reason for someone to overconsume. And as a consumer myself, I know how hard it is to be content with what I have when I’m looking at all the things I want but don’t have. Hmmm? Quite the conundrum.
Hugs to you, my friend.
Paula
I am always glad when I see an email from you. I love your honesty (and your fashion style!). I feel like our lives are running parallel in so many ways. Not the same situations, but the same feelings of anxiety, sorrow, then resting in our Lord. Life is full of unlikable events. But still we trust in Him. Thank you for being transparent in all areas.
Author
Hello, Gale. I think life goes from trial to trial, especially for the Christian. Living at peace means we just have to stay in the “Comforter” zone.
Love ya, Lady!
Paula