This week I celebrate 3 years free of breast implants. Keyword –FREE! I thought I’d share an update with a few words of encouragement for women who have implants and want them out, have already gotten them out, as well as for those of you who don’t have them. Yep, you read that correctly – you don’t need to have had implants to be encouraged by this post.
I won’t bore you with stats in this post because I’ve shared my pre-explant story and my healing journey before.
However, I will say, having breast implants removed is a decision that not only leads to diminished breast implant illness symptoms but the healing goes deeper. It goes to the soul.
Today, I’m going to briefly talk about the emotional side of having my breast implants removed and what I’ve learned about accepting yourself along the way.
Yeah, this long-winded girl is going to attempt brevity. 😉
FATTER BUT LIGHTER
I didn’t know it at the time, but it was the year I was going to remember what it felt like to be ME
Here I am, three years after getting my breast implants removed. I don’t know what’s more exciting – that I still fit into this outfit or that my breasts no longer touch my waistband. ;-D
While my boobs are smaller, my body isn’t. But I feel lighter both physically and mentally. I feel FREE!
When I removed the breast implants I gained lightness and freedom when I unburden myself from the lie that big boobs made me better; more attractive and sexier.
It’s funny, 2018 was the year I got rid of the breast implants and gave up dying my hair, almost at the same time. I didn’t know it at the time, but it was the year I was going to remember what it felt like to be ME – the real me.
REMOVING THE COSTUME
I always said that after the first week of having the implants (when every time I stood up I thought they might slide down to my stomach) I felt like they were a part of me. But after I explanted, I knew that they never really did.
I immediately remembered what it felt like to not have a physical barrier between me and the world. Physically and emotionally, I was no longer “leading with breast”. 😉 Of course, physically hugging someone felt better, nothing stood between me and the huggee.
I have said that now when I look back at pictures of myself with dyed brown hair while I think it’s pretty, but to me, it looks like I was wearing a mask. If going gray was me finally taking off a mask, then getting breast implants removed was me taking off a costume.
And you know what? I’m not perfect, body or mind, but I love being me.
IT’S NOT JUST MY STORY
There are ten’s-of-thousands of women who have had similar experiences to mine. I recently read a post in the Breast Implant Illness and Healing Facebook group and it perfectly sums up was so many of us feel:
TRAPPED IN A CAGE OF MY OWN CONSTRUCTION
We build our own cages & live within them because we think they keep us safe. That they help us survive & thrive. As we grow up, with time, we add bars to our prison.
With every bit of information I was fed by the media, my own inner voice, words from others, rude comments from boys in school… it was the same message. I was not enough. I needed to change my body to be perfect & happy. I built these steel bars that held me back for nearly 12 years. However, every cage has a door & lock & I made the choice to set myself free.
I got breast implants to give myself confidence, to feel good, sexy & accepted. What I really got was 12 years of chronic rashes, anxiety, depression, mood swings, hair loss, brain fog, autoimmune disorders, shooting pain through my chest… Doctors told me it was food allergies, parasites & at one point I was told it may be cancer.
It was none of those. Instead, it was my body’s response to foreign objects I put inside my body. My body was slowly being poisoned by the toxic bags I had put in my chest, over my heart & vital organs. I was trapped in a cage of my own construction. The bars were tight, cold & lonely, I was so sick. I am so happy to say I am finally free. I’m officially 14 weeks post-op & I haven’t felt this good or this alive in so long.
DON’T BE AFRAID OF THE REAL YOU
I’m certainly not saying that we’re not real or genuine if we color our hair or wear makeup or try to be the best we can be. But as for me, now that I’ve understood the emotions from both sides of the situation, I won’t have anything else implanted or into my body.
Whether you have implants or not, there’s a lesson here. Don’t let society or social media, a man, or the entertainment industry tell you aren’t sexy or attractive unless you have fill in the blank.
It’s a lie and bondage that will move you further and further away from being you. And being YOU is good enough. In fact, being the real you is pretty awesome.
I had just started reading your blog when you posted your story about ex planting. I have a co worker who had been struggling with strange illnesses with no resolution from her doctors. I led her to your blog and she began to research BII and made her own decision to explant about 2 years ago. It was a true blessing to have found your blog at the right time fir her.
Author
This blesses me Kelly. I’ve heard it said that your story is never just for you and this is proof. Thanks for sharing.
Hugs,
Paula
I just found your story, thank you for sharing! I’m over 6 weeks post-op now from explanting. I do feel better with some symptoms and not others. I had chronic fatigue, joint aches, palpitations etc. I’m sure I have a lot of healing to do. Emotionally – I sometimes just cry for no reason. I’m hoping to follow a naturopath for some healing but I have been just gently detoxing with health food and tons of water. I’m hoping I feel more energetic at some point. I used to be so active. Thank you again! I loved reading your story.
Author
Good for you, Trish! 👏 It does take time but at some point you’ll realize just how good you feel. It’s funny, my friend and I we’re just talking this morning about the multitudes of women who are getting implants and doing Botox and fillers. And I was saying, shortly after you get implants you feel like they are a part of you but you really just get used to the way they feel and the way they look. But, when we take them out, we remember what it feels like to be genuinely ourselves without these things between you and the world. At least that’s how it was with me. It’s so freeing!
All the best for your healing… before you know it, you’ll be flying!
Hugs,
Paula
You look so much happier in your current picture!
Author
I am Diane. There’s something inherently joyful about being yourself.
Hugs,
Paula
My implants broke and leaked silicone into my body for a year before they discovered it. Having them removed and scraping that crap out made such a mess out of my chest. The implant company offered me free replacements. I’ve never regretted saying no.
Author
Yay for you Jennifer! It’s so empowering to take your health in hand.
Health and hugs to you!
Paula
Great “story” – I am now on my journey to remove mine. It’s been six years and I never realized that all the weird things I’ve been feeling, the fatigue, the puffy face, etc was due to these horrible devices that are somehow allowed to be inserted into chests and deemed “safe.” The doctors know they aren’t safe but don’t really explain the downside!! Anyway, you look amazing, your beauty shines through and you glow! Thank you for sharing!
Author
Good luck on your journey Cynthia! I had to get to the place where it didn’t matter if doctors believed me or not, most are only as informed as the implant manufacturers want them to be. They don’t look into it further. My surgeon was one who kind of came to it on his own after seeing so many women with symptoms and then the turn around when they removed them.
Trust that you know your body better than anyone else. Praying that you find a way and the peace and healing that with follow, body, mind , and spirit.
Hugs,
Paula
I am about to have the same surgery to remove my implants and your story made me feel better already. I am really
scared because I am 78 years old, and I have had my implants for 16 years. The recover sounds very painful from
your experience and that also scares me but being sick is worth the pain to have them take out. Thank you so, very
much for sharing you experience.
Author
First of all Mary Ann, CONGRATS on this step you’re taking!
As far as pain goes, I felt the actual pain was very well controlled as most doctors now use a pain block method in your chest plus good drugs help. Maneuvering yourself around can be painful but no more than having any kind of surgery where the muscle is cut or manipulated. The pain to which I refer was more issues with infection but that’s not common.
I will tell you that the times I cried had nothing to do with physical pain but 100% the emotional toll I myself had inflicted on myself by my choice to have implants. But the joy of remembering what it feels like to hug someone without barrier and to accept myself as is, brought a joy that was worth it all.
Good luck my friend. Prayers!
Paula
I was wondering if you got a lift after the removal.
Author
Yes Toni, I did. Since I weighed 80 pounds or so more than when I first got them, my lift was probably more like a reduction and my scars extend around under my arms.
Let me know if you have more questions. I’d be happy to help.
Paula